Hello, porkchops. Doc Splatter here. I was given special permission by Eva Halloween (and sanitarium director Dr. Frederick Chilton) to address you directly with some special plans we have for the full month of October.
But before I get ahead of myself, let me make a formal introduction. For the past 25+ years I’ve been an advice columnist of the supernatural and macabre, published in a comic strip format. Sort of like what if Ann Landers and Dr. Van Helsing had a baby. My advice column The Gore Score ran in the newspaper of my alma mater at the University of Nevada, Reno whilst an undergrad, but I’ve since embraced publishing online. In my off hours, I dispatch vampires, zombies and other monstrous threats (on a freelance basis, of course) and enjoy the occasional lurid and gory splatter movie. Hence my nom de guerre.
In Eva Halloween I found kindred spirit, and we devised a way to pool our collective appreciation of the horrifying, the humorous and the holiday which is her namesake. Each year at my usual location I celebrate October with DOCtoberfest by publishing new Gore Score strips, but this year will be INSANE. I plan to watch one horror movie per day for the entire month and publish a reaction (review, comic, oil painting, food sculpture, interpretive dance video) for each one. So you know, I’ve sat through and critiqued more than 500 splatter movies so I want these 31 to be never-before-seen by The Doc. Suggestions are welcome and encouraged.
In fact, Eva and I are holding a contest.
FIRST, leave a comment below recommending your favorite gore-filled splatter flick for me to review. Bonus points if you come up with one I haven’t seen before! NEXT, go LIKE my Facebook page. As DOCtoberfest marches on, keep coming back to the Facebook page and chime in with comments, advice-column questions, splatter movie suggestions and such. For each interaction, you earn a pip. On Día los Muertos (the day after Halloween A-DOY!), Eva will tally the pips and five of the top contributors will be randomly chosen to receive a copy of my book Doc Splatter Ominous Omnibus, signed in
blood red ink.
Eva is so kind to let me play in her sandbox. I’ll check in on you porkchops in a fortnight for a progress report. Please don’t disappoint The Doc. *adds gas to the chainsaw
=°|B^/ (Official Doc Splatter® emoticon)
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Categories: Contests, Guest Writers, TV & Film
A man after my own heart. I am trying to scramble my brains (lol) to come up with something you may not have seen, but I suspect that a true connoisseur of splat has seen everything I have and more.
I am sure you’ve seen it, but have you done a review of _Satan’s Little Helper_ ? I’d love to read one. I didn’t have time to do it justice in a review I shared. There is something so disturbingly sweet about an awkward boy and his serial killer friend.
I haven’t seen Satan’s Little Helper, and now it’s added to my queue. Thanks for the sure-to-be-tasty recommendation!
Return of the Living Dead. Which I will be crushed if you haven’t seen. But Tar Man and the split dogs rule!
By the Shining Plastic of Linnea Quigley’s Prosthetic Merkin, of course I’ve seen Return of the Living Dead! Aside from the director forgetting that Suicide (Tar Man’s victim) has a cranium, nearly perfect movie. 2-4-5 trioxin, zombie butterflies, great quotes, terrific soundtrack, practical effects, gratuitous nudity, over-the-top gore… what’s not to love? A+. The Doc says “Send more cops.”
I met Linnea at a con two years ago and she discussed her “applique”. She was way nice. “Send more paramedics.”
Leprechaun in the Hood.
Going on the list! (I’ve seen all the other Leprechauns) Thanks for the recommendation!
I wasn’t being completely serious there…but if you’ve seen the rest, you kind of know what to expect. Bonus in this one is that the Leprechaun raps. It’s pretty great.
Grabbers! An Irish film where drinking saves the day.
I’m seeing a predominance of Irish-themed splatter movies here… but I haven’t seen Grabbers so it’s going on the list. Much obliged!
It’s like Chick Tracts for people who think. I approve!
Mmmmm, porkchops! I’m rusty, so the only movie that comes to mind is Return to Horror High. I remember laughing hysterically. Also, adoring the zombie Jenny McCarthy!
Saw “Return to Horror High” in the theater when it came out in 1987 because of the Marsha Brady morbid curiosity factor. Doc Splatter’s folks probably tuned in for the Dr. Ben Casey factor. Nowadays it’s riding on the shirttails of the Dr. Doug Ross factor. It has multi-generational appeal!
Ricky-O (The Story of Ricky) is one of my favourites. It’s not really a horror movie, but it has enough gore to qualify.
Ah. Riki-Oh (aka The Story of Ricky). Gotcha. I’ll look into that (you had me at “gore”). Thanks!
I was going to say there is I way in the world I have seen a horror movie that you haven’t but I have a friend who is obsessed with scary movies and once made me watch something about a woman whose feminine parts literally eat people. So there’s that. It’s called “Teeth”. It won an award and everything, at Sundance I think.
“I’ll look for it — thanks for the suggestion!” replied The Doc through clenched teeth.
Men who watch Teeth are BRAVE… heh.
My favorite gore filled film would be the first A nightmare on elm street. Especially after having just watched the documentary Never sleep again. There’s some really great stuff in that docu. I especially love how the bed scene was accomplished and that no one got hurt in the mishap that ensued as a result of that scene.
I understand the results could have been… shocking. *raises pinky to corner of mouth*
Hey do you know about the Kevin Smith movie that’s just out, “Tusk”???? Reviews sound crazy.
I’ve seen only the movie poster for “Tusk.” Thought it was a Fleetwood Mac biopic. I’ll have to circle back and give it an eyeball or two!
mr. doc splatter, have you seen The Descent?
I have — it was decent. One more reason (on an ever-growing list) to stay out of West Virginia.
I don’t know what I’d call my favourite as I watch so many films but one that I thought felt nicely different and original in theme was “The Ruins” – it’s more psychological/body horror but there is gore in there too.
I will look for it, based on your recommendation. When left to my own devices, I end up picking some real crap (I’m looking at YOU, “The Collector” and its sequel “The Collection”)!