One day I was walking out of the bank with one of those white envelopes that are the exact size of money. I needed to buy some new capes and a big sword (I get everything I need at the same store – Grapes, Boards, Capes and Swords of Portland, ME – and was even going to spring for a couple of grapes). I continued on my way when i saw this 80’s muscle guy with a powder blue tank top and a bunch of gold chains. He had a bunch of girls with him and they all looked like trouble.
I looked straight ahead when I walked past. I just kept heading in the same direction. The guy called to me but I didn’t pay attention. I felt a rock hit my head. I whirled around and saw one of the girls picking up another, bigger rock. But before she could throw it I took out my new sword and cut her head CLEAN OFF! (Back then I tended to overreact a bit).
Anyway they were mad that I decapitated their friend. They chased me into an old house and then…
***Chase/fight scene continues for nine pages***
And then, just when I thought I was going to get caught, I used the only thing I had left. Luckily someone filmed my genius move and made it into a gif for some reason. You can see if below. I know you were probably scared, but never despair. I’m here.
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The Year of Halloween 
lol. I wish I could give head like that.
We are trying to get the permits to start a clinic.
That’s awesome!!
*sends you money via Paypal*
this made my day!
I am going to assume that March 27th was your wedding day and the day you got into Law School. It makes me feel better about myself.
The best part is the look on her face. Not horror; not pain, exactly. It’s like the decapitator caught her in line at the DMV after a mosquito bit her on the back of the neck, and she was in the process of simultaneously swatting it and being told she’d waited through the wrong line and had to go wait in that OTHER line and unfortunately we close at 12 for lunch, ma’am, so you may just want to come back. At that precise moment her head was liberated from its earthly prison. Hence we see in her face, beneath the confusion and surprise, a tiny glimmer, too, of relief.
Also muscle guy is the greatest actor ever captured on film. Look how he masterfully closes his mouth, blinks, pauses a split second for effect, and then collapses under the sheer weight of his own biceps and facial hair. Brilliant.
Stop making comments that are better than my posts! Or better yet, go to my site and START making comments that are better than my posts. it is way easier over there. I only know like, six verbs.
Did you really just try to steal one of my readers away?? FIRED.
YOU OWE ME
She looks just sort of, ebullient .
No you do.
Sorry – I will get back to you on this one.
No one ever gave me head 😦
I have told you 100 times that nobody thinks wearing wet suit bottoms as underwear in the summer is sexy.
It’s just what he deserves
I like to think justice was done.